i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
