How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I use my feet as sexual weapons
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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