I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
