The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
