You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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