She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
