dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
