Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
