My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
