haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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