I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
