ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
