Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
sex in a hospital.. check
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize