I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
