my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
