cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
