i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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