I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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