is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
