so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
