I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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