Porn is love you can see.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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