I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
