You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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