he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
