You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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