You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
