I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
