Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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