I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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