I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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