you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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