I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
