Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
