when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
