i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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