I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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