Tell her she can't have a vagina
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
