I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize