bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
two words: eviction party
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
