well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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