Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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