Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
