If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize