well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
