I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Drake has all the answers
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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