When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
