So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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