Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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