Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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