If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
