Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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