i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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