I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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