I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
