I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
