The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
