it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
