At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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