i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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