he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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