We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
