About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
