I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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