then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
MIDGETS
????
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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