Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
