Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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