I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
