They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
