your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
