you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
