My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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