I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
