My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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