I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
