you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He has the fingertips of a God
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
