Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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