Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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