whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
