I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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