I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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