dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
