Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
