ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
