so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
