Why does Corona taste like a burp?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
