When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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