u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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