i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
