I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
