dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
