Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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